The other day i was walking along the lake of zug in zug. from a distance, i spotted some young men having beers and chitt-chatting. One of them looked at me and turned to tell the other guys something and suddenly, they all turned around and looked at me. Then they looked back at eachother and started laughing out really loud with momentary gestures towards me. Instantly, i knew they were talking about me. As i got closer, i could hear their conversation loud and clear which was now intensified and directed towards me. ''scheisse frau'' (shit lady) repeatedly shouted one of the young men, ''you are even uglier without hair'' ''stupid african'' etc. At this point i just kept walking and did not look back. My heart was heavy with sadness as i tried to comfort myself in my mind that they are just a bunch of stupid drunk kids blabbering shit from their mouths.
On meeting my partner, i started telling him what had just happened and immediately, i broke down into tears. He was conforting me and 'kissing' me trying to make me 'feel better', while smiling at the same time as he was shocked why i was crying because of such 'none'sense. I felt sad, not attractive, unworthy, hurt, ugly, vulnereable etc. i was thinking how stupid this men were, how far away from reality they were.
After calming down, back to reality after few breaths, i knew its time to be self honest and see why i allowed myself to succumb into such thoughts, feelings and emotions that drove me towards crying. I was looking at this points as i walked home alone from the lake taking a different route so as to avoid this young men and their insults. Here is what i realised:
•I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an unworthy, unattractive.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel unworthy, unattractive because I shaved my hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel unworthy and unattractive because others have said so.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of what others thought about me.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and low because others view me as an ugly woman without hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the polarity of beauty and ugly.
•I accepted and allowed myself to view my skin color as inferior compared to white skin.
•I accepted and allowed myself to think that the young men were stupid blabbering fools.
•I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the young men at the lake as I thought of them as stupid drunk kids.
•I accepted and allowed myself to build a beauty identity around having long hair.
•I allowed and accepted myself to separate myself from beauty by having knowledge and ideas of what beauty should be like.
•I allowed and accepted myself to separate myself from being ugly as i view ugly as something ''bad' and low in society.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel 'low' as i viewed myself as not fitting into the level of society as a beautiful woman with long hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to believe that having hair makes one hold a 'g00d' beauty spot in society.
•I accepted and allowed myself to recent being ugly.
•I accepted and allowed myself to have fear of not being beautiful without hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to be vulnerable to thoughts, feelings and emotions.
•I accepted and allowed myself to 'want/need' comfort as a means to make me ''feel better''.
•I accepted and allowed myself to have fear towards insults from the men at the lake and so I took a different route.
SELF FORGIVENESS ON THESE POINTS.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have fear of shaving my head to exist within and as me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the fear of having a shaved head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have fear of being seen ugly without long hair.
•I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having fear of being seen as an unattractive woman because I shaved my head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to associate hair within the polarity context of ‘beauty and ugly’.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for connecting my shaved head to the feeling of unworthiness.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as unworthy, unattractive because I shaved my head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as unworthy, unattractive because I shaved my head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel unworthy and unattractive because others have said so.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be influenced from other people’s opinions and judgment about me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself according to the thoughts, believes, opinions and judgments of other people.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live as these thoughts, opinions, judgments and believes (unattractive, unworthy because I shaved my head) of other people.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be taught, believe and live as the polarity of beauty and ugly, worthy and unworthy.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the polarity of and as beauty and ugly.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad because of what others thought about me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad and offended because others insulted me as a shit woman without hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being ugly and have a shaved head is ‘insulting’ and not ‘good’.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad and low because others view me as an ugly woman without hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel inferior to white people because I have black skin.
•I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from white people through accepting and allowing inferiority and superiority to exist.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the polarity of and as inferiority and superiority.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within and as the feeling of unworthiness and inferiority.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that ‘’ the young men were stupid blabbering fools’’ to exist within and as me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the young men as stupid blabbering fools.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that ‘’ the young men are stupid drunk kids’’ to exist within and as me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the thoughts ‘’ the young men were stupid blabbering fools’’ and ‘’ the young men are stupid drunk kids’’.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the word ‘beauty’ by having knowledge and ideas of what ‘beauty’ should be like.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the word ‘ugly’ by having knowledge and ideas of what ‘ugly’ should be like.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to view/judge myself as not fitting into the level of society as a beautiful woman with long hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel low as I viewed/judged myself as not fitting into the level of society as a beautiful woman with long hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in society’s ideas, opinions, and judgments and believes on matters of hair and beauty.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in the resentment of ugliness.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that having long hair makes one hold a beauty spotlight in society.
•I forgive myself for not taking self-responsibility towards myself in dealing with my thoughts, feelings and emotions in regards to my shaved head and instead looked for comforting words and actions from my partner.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use my partner as my escape mechanism from facing myself and taking self-responsibility.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use ‘comfort’ as an escape mechanism to ‘feeling better’ instead of facing myself and taking responsibility for what I have allowed and accepted to exist as me within and without.
SELF REALIZATIONS
1.I have realized that, who I am is not defined or limited by a shaved head.
2.I have realized who I am not defined by other people’s thoughts, opinions, judgments or believes.
3.I have realized that shaving my head has nothing to do with who I truly Am but who I had become with long hair and who I am becoming with a bald head, a person who is standing for all life as one and equal as myself.
4.I have realized that I should not participate within the mind games of society and their definitions of beauty and what’s acceptable as beautiful and ugly, what’s worthy and what’s unworthy but rather participate in bringing forth a society that stands for what’s best for all as life in the principle oneness and equality by standing up and becoming this principle myself.
5.I have realized that i was living as the very fear that comes with having my hair short/shaved, and so i did all i could to have it longer so as to never face my very fear of shaving it. To face this fears, i shaved my head. this has helped me to clearly see that i was not supporting myself as and all life because i was living in and as fear.
Any moment I find myself participating within any hair-beauty and image related thoughts, feelings and emotions, I STOP, I BREATH, I do not allow myself to participate within this.
On meeting my partner, i started telling him what had just happened and immediately, i broke down into tears. He was conforting me and 'kissing' me trying to make me 'feel better', while smiling at the same time as he was shocked why i was crying because of such 'none'sense. I felt sad, not attractive, unworthy, hurt, ugly, vulnereable etc. i was thinking how stupid this men were, how far away from reality they were.
After calming down, back to reality after few breaths, i knew its time to be self honest and see why i allowed myself to succumb into such thoughts, feelings and emotions that drove me towards crying. I was looking at this points as i walked home alone from the lake taking a different route so as to avoid this young men and their insults. Here is what i realised:
•I accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an unworthy, unattractive.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel unworthy, unattractive because I shaved my hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel unworthy and unattractive because others have said so.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of what others thought about me.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and low because others view me as an ugly woman without hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to define myself within the polarity of beauty and ugly.
•I accepted and allowed myself to view my skin color as inferior compared to white skin.
•I accepted and allowed myself to think that the young men were stupid blabbering fools.
•I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the young men at the lake as I thought of them as stupid drunk kids.
•I accepted and allowed myself to build a beauty identity around having long hair.
•I allowed and accepted myself to separate myself from beauty by having knowledge and ideas of what beauty should be like.
•I allowed and accepted myself to separate myself from being ugly as i view ugly as something ''bad' and low in society.
•I accepted and allowed myself to feel 'low' as i viewed myself as not fitting into the level of society as a beautiful woman with long hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to believe that having hair makes one hold a 'g00d' beauty spot in society.
•I accepted and allowed myself to recent being ugly.
•I accepted and allowed myself to have fear of not being beautiful without hair.
•I accepted and allowed myself to be vulnerable to thoughts, feelings and emotions.
•I accepted and allowed myself to 'want/need' comfort as a means to make me ''feel better''.
•I accepted and allowed myself to have fear towards insults from the men at the lake and so I took a different route.
SELF FORGIVENESS ON THESE POINTS.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have fear of shaving my head to exist within and as me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the fear of having a shaved head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have fear of being seen ugly without long hair.
•I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for having fear of being seen as an unattractive woman because I shaved my head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to associate hair within the polarity context of ‘beauty and ugly’.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself for connecting my shaved head to the feeling of unworthiness.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge myself as unworthy, unattractive because I shaved my head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself as unworthy, unattractive because I shaved my head.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel unworthy and unattractive because others have said so.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be influenced from other people’s opinions and judgment about me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself according to the thoughts, believes, opinions and judgments of other people.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to live as these thoughts, opinions, judgments and believes (unattractive, unworthy because I shaved my head) of other people.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be taught, believe and live as the polarity of beauty and ugly, worthy and unworthy.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the polarity of and as beauty and ugly.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad because of what others thought about me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad and offended because others insulted me as a shit woman without hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that being ugly and have a shaved head is ‘insulting’ and not ‘good’.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel sad and low because others view me as an ugly woman without hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel inferior to white people because I have black skin.
•I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from white people through accepting and allowing inferiority and superiority to exist.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the polarity of and as inferiority and superiority.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within and as the feeling of unworthiness and inferiority.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that ‘’ the young men were stupid blabbering fools’’ to exist within and as me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to judge the young men as stupid blabbering fools.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to have the thought that ‘’ the young men are stupid drunk kids’’ to exist within and as me.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate within the thoughts ‘’ the young men were stupid blabbering fools’’ and ‘’ the young men are stupid drunk kids’’.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the word ‘beauty’ by having knowledge and ideas of what ‘beauty’ should be like.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to separate myself from the word ‘ugly’ by having knowledge and ideas of what ‘ugly’ should be like.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to view/judge myself as not fitting into the level of society as a beautiful woman with long hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to feel low as I viewed/judged myself as not fitting into the level of society as a beautiful woman with long hair.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in society’s ideas, opinions, and judgments and believes on matters of hair and beauty.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in the resentment of ugliness.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to believe that having long hair makes one hold a beauty spotlight in society.
•I forgive myself for not taking self-responsibility towards myself in dealing with my thoughts, feelings and emotions in regards to my shaved head and instead looked for comforting words and actions from my partner.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use my partner as my escape mechanism from facing myself and taking self-responsibility.
•I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to use ‘comfort’ as an escape mechanism to ‘feeling better’ instead of facing myself and taking responsibility for what I have allowed and accepted to exist as me within and without.
SELF REALIZATIONS
1.I have realized that, who I am is not defined or limited by a shaved head.
2.I have realized who I am not defined by other people’s thoughts, opinions, judgments or believes.
3.I have realized that shaving my head has nothing to do with who I truly Am but who I had become with long hair and who I am becoming with a bald head, a person who is standing for all life as one and equal as myself.
4.I have realized that I should not participate within the mind games of society and their definitions of beauty and what’s acceptable as beautiful and ugly, what’s worthy and what’s unworthy but rather participate in bringing forth a society that stands for what’s best for all as life in the principle oneness and equality by standing up and becoming this principle myself.
5.I have realized that i was living as the very fear that comes with having my hair short/shaved, and so i did all i could to have it longer so as to never face my very fear of shaving it. To face this fears, i shaved my head. this has helped me to clearly see that i was not supporting myself as and all life because i was living in and as fear.
Any moment I find myself participating within any hair-beauty and image related thoughts, feelings and emotions, I STOP, I BREATH, I do not allow myself to participate within this.
